From: "Dr. D. Kossove" <doctordee@telkomsa.net>
Subject: ! Suzie Siegel's  Getting your Affairs in Order
Date: Thursday, December 25, 2003 9:58 AM

from Suzie Siegel

 Instructions

June 7, 2003 (date when last updated)
The most-recent version of this will always be on my computer. I also have a printout in my file marked  It also can be found on a hard disk labeled . that I keep (where.)

Before you die
 Make sure you have written a will or set up a trust. You may be able to do this with information from a library, bookstore or the Internet. Or you may be more comfortable paying an attorney.
Fill out forms for a durable power of attorney, a power of attorney for health care, and a living will. Do you want a Do Not Resuscitate order? Although you can have a lawyer draw these up, you often can get them for free from hospitals, social workers and other sources.
Although the following list is designed for your survivors, you can do them a great favor by doing as much of the work ahead of time as you can. 

When youre dying
Donate airline mileage. The airlines Web site should have information on this. You may be able to donate to a nonprofit that serves sick people without the money to travel. Also, check to see if mileage can be used by a family member or friend.
 Do I need to update the list of people who need to be contacted upon my death? 
 If I have paid all my bills, do I want to make any last-minute donations?

The day you die
If you die of cancer, you are ineligible to donate body parts. Make sure your family or friends know that, even if you have signed a donor card in the past.
 Decide on all funeral arrangements and burial plans ahead of time. These instructions should include the name of the funeral home and the phone number. If you die in a hospital or hospice, someone there can make the call for you or assist you in doing so.
 I do not know the proper procedures if you die unattended at home. My guess is that a medical examiner would have to be called. 
Another option is to donate your body to a medical school. Advantages include: You help train medical staff, you may raise their awareness about sarcoma, and your family may have to pay nothing. 
For example, I (Suzie) have signed up with the University of Texas-Southwestern Medical School. The school has all forms on file, but I also have copies in a folder marked In case of my death, which contains all pertinent information on my death. I also have the phone number in my instruction list, plus I carry a card in my wallet. 
There are no charges to the family. The school will transport the body and fill out paperwork for the issuance of a death certificate. The body will be dissected for no more than six months and then will be cremated. The ashes can be returned to the family or put in a memorial garden.
This school does not distribute obituary information to newspapers. Survivors would have to do that themselves.
All schools have different rules. Be sure to ask about a transport fee, especially if you dont live close to the medical school. 

The first week  
Computer: Specify your computer password if you have kept it secret. If survivors are not computer literate, explain how to access your files.
You may want someone to delete all the mail in your inbox, the deleted folder, and the sent folder. Its possible that, in a bad mood, you may have sent emails that would be hurtful if read by others. Another option is to have one trusted person go through the emails to see if theres anything that needs a response.
Your address book should be kept on the computer, at least for a year.
Choose someone to decide if any of your files should be kept. Some of this stuff is personal, and some may offend others. Thats why it needs to be taken off the computer before family members start using it.
Anything important should be saved to a disk, and your designated person should take the disks. Specify where you keep the disks.
Contact people: Tell where you keep your address book, Rolodex, business card file, etc. 
Make a list of who you want contacted upon your death. Include phone numbers and/or email addresses. Again, save it in multiple locations, such as a computer, disk, and printout. This task can be delegated to a friend or friends, in case you need to relieve the burden from family members.
Consider sending out computer messages. One email can go to a long list of people. This may seem impersonal, but if a bunch of people need to hear the news, it is a grueling task for survivors to call them one by one. Obviously, people who are the closest can be called. People also can be asked to call others.
 An email should include as much detail as possible because the person who sends the messages will no doubt face questions, such as: Will there be a funeral? Where should I send flowers or make donations? How did she or he die? 
Calendar: Have someone check it for appointments that need to be canceled. It also will reveal birthdays and other important information.
Memorial service: Say what you want done. For example, I dont want a memorial service, but I like the idea of a party. Do you want eulogies and if so, by whom? Do you have a particular religious leader who you want to preside? Do you have passages or poems you want read? Songs or music played? 
 Obituaries: Be sure to write up what information you would like in an obituary.  You will need your full name, plus a nickname if you use one; your date and place of birth, your date and place of death; where you were living when you died; and your Social Security number. It doesnt hurt to specify your age in case someone at a newspaper cant do math. 
 Give information on your memorial service and burial or where your body was donated, if pertinent. You can say where you would like donations sent. Include the address, of course. Remember that a funeral home will assist your survivors with this, but a medical school may not.
 You may want to give information on where you worked or what was your career, hobbies, religious affiliation, where you went to college, if you served in the military, nonprofits that you assisted, etc.
 Say that you died of leiomyosarcoma, and explain what the disease is.
 You will need to specify your survivors, including where they live and what their relationship to you was (such as husband or daughter). Newspapers generally dont accept the names of friends, but many now accept a same-sex partner.
 Include a photo. It often can be sent by computer these days.  Make sure the photo is crisp and clear. 
 Some newspapers run a brief obituary for free. Some also give you the option of paying for a longer death notice that you can write yourself. Some newspapers now require that all obituaries be paid. Some newspapers will do a feature story for free on someone who has died if they have some small claim to fame. Examples include longtime public servants, such as teachers or firefighters, and longtime volunteers.
If you want to go for this, then include: much more information, starting with why you were important and interesting anecdotes about you or your personality; several good photos of you at different times; and a short list of family and friends who can be quoted about you, including their home, work and cell phone numbers.
This may seem immodest, but it may also be a great source of pride for family and friends. It also serves as a public record for people who want to learn more about you, historians, journalists, etc.  
Consider placing obituaries anywhere you once lived. 
 Family and friends should save copies for scrapbooks, files, etc.

In the weeks to come:
Caregiving: If you care for children or elderly parents, and you have no partner to help, its imperative to make provisions for them and get their information in easily understood files. You probably will need to specify a guardian, which can be a family member, friend or professional guardian. 
Your files: Explain everywhere you have files and a brief description of what they contain or how theyre organized. If you dont have good files, its important to get them together in an organized fashion. If you have time, go through each file and throw away items that are no longer pertinent, such as warranties on appliances you no longer own. Your files and this instruction list should include phone numbers of where survivors should call to do whatever they need to do.
Death certificate: Survivors need to get at least five copies of your death certificate from the county or city clerk in the area where you lived (not where you died). Put the phone number in your instruction list. Copies should not be too expensive. When survivors need to send someone a copy, ask that it be mailed back, if possible. That will save them from having to get more copies.
 Social Security: If you are on SS, survivors need to notify it of your death or else theyll have to repay any checks sent after your death. Ask whether spouses or underage children are entitled to SS payments.
 Life insurance: If you have any, give information on how to notify the company. 
 Veterans insurance: Ditto. Also, ask if spouses or children are entitled to any benefits, including treatment at VA facilities.
 Pensions: If you have a pension, check to see if you can take it now in a lump sum. For some pensions, if you die before a specific age, such as 55, your heirs inherit nothing. Check to see what the rules are.
Health insurance: The company needs to be notified of your death. Your policy should be canceled, or if its a joint policy, your name removed.
Auto insurance: Cancel it after your car has been given to someone and that person takes out insurance. If you own your car jointly, ask if the policy needs to be changed. Include this information in your files.
 Auto clubs, such as AAA: Cancel membership.
 Other clubs: Cancel memberships.
Will: The library, bookstores and other sources can give you instructions on writing your own will. Of course, you also can pay an attorney, especially if your will is going to be complicated or disputed. It will have to be filed with Probate Court after your death. Be sure you talk to the person you choose as your executor. Be sure all debts are paid before money and property are distributed. Some hospitals and doctors are good about writing off debt; others are not. Survivors may need to place a small ad in a newspaper stating that they are not responsible for your debts. An attorney can help you with this.
Family Trust: You can avoid probate by setting up a trust. But beware that the trust may end up being more complicated than probate. You probably will need a lawyer to set one up. Keep in mind that lawyers, financial planners and stock brokers make money by setting up trusts for you, and you may want to study the issue independently before making a decision. 
Scholarships and donations: These can be specified in your will. 
Money: Explain where you keep tax returns. If you have an accountant, give her or his name and contact information. Someone needs to prepare your final tax return. Yes, you have to pay taxes after your death, unless you are exempt because of earnings.
 Bank and investment accounts and annuities will need to be closed or else have your name removed. They will require a death certificate.
 On individual investment accounts, you often can state a beneficiary or a person to whom your money will be transferred upon death. These forms must be filled out ahead of time. By doing this, you can sidestep probate court.  
Cancel credit cards or your name will have to be removed from a joint card.
Magazine subscriptions: List your subscriptions. Survivors may want to cancel them or switch them to another address until the subscription runs out. That may mean a family member, friend or nonprofit.
 Personal property: Survivors should not be in a rush to get rid of things. Its better if they are handed out to people who might really want and care for them. You may want to specify that you want friends to have some personal possessions as mementos.
 You can list everything of monetary or sentimental value. You may want to include history, such as X was your mothers favorite painting or you bought Y on a vacation in Paris. If something was expensive, point it out. You dont want an antique pearl necklace sold at an estate sale for $1. 
Include suggestions about who might like what. People may want back gifts they once gave you. You may want your family or a few close friends to have first claim on everything. Conversely, make clear to people that they shouldnt feel obligated to take something, just because youve suggested it. If its not their taste or they dont have room, they should feel free to decline or ask for something else. I know some friends who really dont want anything more in their home. Be very clear on this because a lot of survivors end up fighting over possessions. 
One way to organize this is to go room by room. Another way is to group items such as jewelry or artwork.
Letters and journals: Only a very trusted person should keep these. Its too easy to say something in anger when you think youre writing in privacy. You might have said something that doesnt really reflect how you felt then or now.
Letters and journals can be an important record of family history. But you may want to consider destroying at least some letters that might prove harmful. 
If you do keep letters, you may want to organize them by letter-writer, and they can be returned to the writers upon your death.
If youve never kept a journal, you may want to start by recording important events in your life and your thoughts and feelings. This will be invaluable to your survivors. Dont just write about the cancer experience. Say how you felt when you got your first bicycle, graduated from high school, etc. 
Mementoes: You can do the same with mementoes. If you leave them for family or friends, leave some written explanation for why you saved some of the stuff that may be meaningless to others.
Photos: Organize them in albums, with information on who is in the photo, and when and where it was shot. You may think this is obvious, but someday, grandchildren may be puzzling over these photos.
Shoeboxes make good containers for negatives, which also should be organized. 
Donations: If you like a nonprofit that has a thrift store, note that your excess stuff can go there. Adult Day Care and Senior Centers can use many things, such as medical equipment and books. You may be able to donate hats, scarves and wigs to your local American Cancer Society. Get a receipt for taxes.
Estate sales: You may want to tell your survivors that its fine to have an estate sale. Companies will organize this. Of course, garage sales are another option, depending on how much stuff needs to be disposed of. Many people are shocked at how little they make from these sales. For example, a linen tablecloth may sell for $1 but might be treasured by a friend.




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